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The Hardest Thing About Writing Slashy Smut is the Pronoun Confusion
Clockstopper's Live Journal
...and the next one 
27th-Jun-2007 03:20 pm
Title: Looking Through You 1.2
Fandom: SGA
Characters: Some implied Rodney/Katie and some past Rodney/Lorne. The rest of the cast makes an appearance as well.
Prompt: Broken
Word Count: 2305
Rating: R... there are swear words and stuff
Summary: Sometimes what you really need is standing righ in front of you.
Author's Notes: First part in a second part fic. I'm working on the next part right now, but this part wanted to break free. Also this is a Sunday (3x17) fixit. Emphasis on the fixit part. Make of that what you will.

Lorne looks over at Doctor Beckett and sees him smiling softly.

Probably not as big a smile as if Rodney had been here with him, but Rodney’s off playing the straight game like he really is one. Like he hadn’t sat through a whole season of Queer as Folk and had actually liked it.

(Lorne hadn’t. The guys were hot, no denying that, but there hadn’t been much substance. Lorne guesses that it isn’t a show you watch if you want to be moved, although it had its moments, but he’d just told Rodney he had liked it to see how far Rodney would go.)

But that’s neither here nor there. He and Rodney broke up a long time ago, months even and he’s been told that he should probably move on. That, while the population is small, Atlantis is filled with people who are hotter and nicer than Rodney could ever be.

Like Doctor Beckett, for example.

He knows the story, Laura had told him during her time on Atlantis. Knows that Doctor Beckett likes the feel of a guy pressed up against him rather than a woman and instead of Laura blowing a gasket, like Beckett thought she might, she’d been slightly understanding, like Lorne knew she would be.

She’d been trying, unsuccessfully, to push Beckett toward Lorne since she found out that Lorne had, in her words, taken a hard blow to the head that must have caused some serious brain damage for him to even think Rodney was at all appealing.

Lorne doesn’t think it’s funny, she thinks it’s hilarious.

It’s not that Beckett’s a bad guy, he’s an excellent guy, the kind of guy Lorne might have gotten to know and ended up in a three year relationship with that ended with a hug and an actual friendship.

(Lorne doesn’t like to think about how passive-aggressive that makes him sound and he certainly doesn’t like to think about how many people that actually happened with because the number would be way too high for his liking.)

Rodney… Rodney had been fire. Everything with Rodney had been intense and full of passion, hands flailing and words exploding and Lorne had liked that. Had never experienced anything like it before and he wants to again, wants to so badly that he sometimes catches himself staring at Rodney.

Rodney doesn’t say anything about it.

“You don’t much want to be out here with me, do you?” Beckett says as he casts his rod again.

He’s caught some fish, nothing as big as he had been saying. It reminds him of General O’Neill, laughing and talking big about his little lake in Minnesota and the way Doctor Jackson had groaned every time at the mention of it.

“It’s peaceful.” Lorne says.

He’d been painting, very soothing business by itself, but Doctor Beckett had asked so nicely, had looked so sad that Rodney had turned him down that Lorne hadn’t been able to say no.

So he’d packed up his paints, told Beckett that he didn’t know the first thing about fishing, but he’d go for the scenery.

“Still, you’d rather be painting the beautiful towers of Atlantis than the dull lakes of the mainland.”

“There’s nothing dull about these lakes. The water’s beautiful. Nice shade of blue too. One you’d never get by mixing.” Lorne says.

He knows, he’s tried and it’s never come out right to his eye even thought Rodney had said it looked just perfect.

“Aye, guess it’s better than Rodney. He would have been complaining.”

“You still asked him to go with you.”

“Yes, well, don’t know what I was thinking. Guess I just thought he would have come with me, being his best friend and all, but instead he decides to spend time with…”

Beckett trails off after that, like he’s incapable of speaking words and looks very grim and Lorne wishes people would stop doing that when they mention Rodney and Katie Brown. He’s already feeling it enough without them adding insult to injury.

It hadn’t been like they’d been dating, if you could call it dating, before Katie Brown stepped into the picture. They’d actually been quite annoyed with each other, but when you spend enough time with a person… things tend to change.

Rodney had been avoiding Katie and suddenly making Lorne turn things on, using him as a guinea pig and talking naquadah generators with him. It had happened.

The break up, Lorne doesn’t remember. At least not clearly and that’s the first time that’s ever happened. He knows there definitely hadn’t been any hugs, maybe a reminder to remain professional, but that had been it.

“It’s okay Doc, I’m over it.” Lorne says.

Even though he really, really isn’t.

“I still don’t understand how you couldn’t make it work. It doesn’t make sense to me. You seemed happy.”

“People can seem a lot of things, Doc. Doesn’t mean they really are any of them.”

“Aye, you’re right. Still…”

“Yeah, well, his loss right.” Lorne says, going for joking.

Beckett smiles, one of those really wide smiles that he has, the ones that reach his eyes and it’s the first real smile he’s given Lorne all day.

“Right, his loss.”


They fly back as fast as they can, Lorne telling the jumper faster, faster, faster and she listens to him because he has the gene and the jumpers have grown to love him. Not as much as they love Sheppard, though Lorne thinks that nothing in Atlantis will ever love anyone as much as they love Sheppard.

It still takes thirty minutes, cut down from its regular hour drive, not that it much matters. The damage is already done and, from the radio transmission, more damage is going to be done.

Only in the Pegasus Galaxy would you get exploding tumors.

“I should have been there.”

“What could you have done, Doc?”

“Helped. It’s my bloody infirmary. And now a man is going to die because they’re just going to let him die…”

“You’d rather more people died, people on your staff? You? No, we have no idea what they’re dealing with, but it sounds deadly. You can’t save everyone.”

It’s soldier mentality and he’s been in soldier mode since he got the radio transmission that there’d been an explosion in Atlantis and he and Beckett had to get back. He can’t help it if it makes him sound cold, he knows it does, but that’s the risk you run.

“I can’t think like you.”

“I know. Its part of what makes you so attractive.” Lorne says.

He’s not sure what makes him say it and Beckett’s staring at him oddly the whole time they race through the corridors to where Sheppard, Rodney, Zelenka and Ronon are, all four looking defeated and pissed.

“The second one just blew up.” Rodney says a bit too clinically when they get there.

“Damage?” Lorne asks.

“Just some structural damage.” Sheppard says.

“Oh, yeah that and a man is dead. How come you didn’t try and do anything?” Beckett says.

“What could we have done? We don’t know how these things work. We didn’t even know it was possible for such a thing to exist.” Rodney says.

“If I had just…”

“Hey, you can’t think like that.” Lorne says, hand pulling Beckett close.

He’s well aware of the eyes on him, can feel them burning into him. Sheppard’s just a bit perplexed, Ronon’s looking at him like he just doesn’t get Earth people, Zelenka is speculative and Rodney… he can feel Rodney glaring at him and he knows that feeling pretty well.

“Right, but I just…”

“Look, he’s dead and I’m sure everyone’s really upset about that, but there’s nothing that could have been done. It’s life in the Pegasus Galaxy.”

“I told you I can’t think like that.”

“And you remember what I told you?”

Beckett flushes a bit at that and smiles and Lorne smiles at him before turning back to Sheppard.

“So, sir, what are we doing?” Lorne asks.

Sheppard follows his cues, goes professional and strict and business like, something Lorne had never really thought would apply to Sheppard, but does on few occasions.

“We’ve got Marines clearing out the first site. The body count has already been tallied. Biro’s dealing with the autopsies from the information we’ve gathered. The second site has just been reached. Like I said, structural damage. I sent a team of Marines and Rodney sent some scientists with them to check things out.” Sheppard says.

“I’m needed in the infirmary then.” Beckett says.

“I’ll take you, if that’s okay sir?” Lorne says.

His eyes flitter slightly over to Rodney who’s still glaring at him and he doesn’t want to think about that too hard.

“That’s fine.” Sheppard says.


“I can’t decide if you’re trying to make Rodney jealous or not.” Sheppard says sometime later.

When all the panic and chaos has died down to a more manageable level and people are just chalking this latest incident up to life in the Pegasus Galaxy. Lorne thinks that it’s all too quick for that to be happening, but it does and he doesn’t question it.

“I’m not.” Lorne says.

He doesn’t even start with the pretense of denying because Sheppard knows and it’s late and he doesn’t feel like denying it.

“Really, so this thing with Carson…”

“It’s nothing. The doc wanted someone to go fishing with him and I decided to go. I am allowed to have a life post-Rodney right.” Lorne says.

Sheppard smiles.

“Of course. I never said you weren’t. I’m just wondering if you know that it’s making Rodney jealous.”

“He broke up with me. Because he wanted to do the family thing. Sorry, I went through enough of those guys back when I was twenty.”

“You can’t give him a real life. Not with the restrictions. Not the kind he wants anyway.” Sheppard says.

“He doesn’t want that. He’s just deluded himself into thinking it’ll make him whole when he’s already whole enough.”

Sheppard smiles at him.

“You’re right.”


Lorne’s walking back from the gym, using the easy shortcut to his quarters he had discovered a long time ago. He’s a bit sweaty, more than ready to hit the showers and maybe catch a nap before he has to go back on duty.

“Back from the gym I see.”

Lorne turns to see Rodney standing there, data pad in hand because it’s rare that he doesn’t have that thing with him and Lorne sighs.

“Yeah, got in a workout.”

“Hmm… so… you seem fine.”

“I am fine.”

Rodney’s lips purse and he lets out a sharp huff of breath and Lorne can tell what he’s not saying.

“You and Carson seem cozy.”

“Doctor Beckett and I have a lot of stuff in common.”

“Oh, yeah, like what?” Rodney says with that incredulous tone in his voice.

“Well, we both like the outdoors.”

“Yeah, but you hate fishing.”

“It was nice to paint.”

“You painted him.” Rodney says.

He says it like he can’t believe Lorne would paint anyone else and that piss Lorne off just a little bit.

“No, I painted the scenery. Very relaxing. He’s nice conversation, Beckett. Knows a lot of things.”

“Oh and I’m sure he was very forthcoming in showing you everything he knows.”

“You don’t get to be jealous about this. I could be fucking Beckett if I want to be fucking Beckett. You seem to have moved on with Katie, so what the fuck do you care.”

“What do I care? It’s Carson. Carson is my friend. How could you start having sex with my best friend?”

“For your information, I’m not having sex with Beckett. But if I wanted to have sex with Beckett I could have sex with Beckett. I could have a big fucking gay orgy in the gym if I wanted to.”

Rodney glares at him, face red and angry like he has a right to be and Lorne has to clench his hands at his sides to keep from hitting him.

“Well… if that’s what you want. I just thought you’d be smarter than that.” Rodney says.

“Oh, so this is your demented way of looking out for me. Great, Rodney, that’s nice of you, but considering my CO can’t file his own paperwork without causing some sort of catastrophe; I think I’ll be okay.”

“Right, Sheppard likes you.”

“What can I say, I give a mean blowjob.”

He’s not sure what makes him say it, he’s definitely not having sex with Sheppard, but he likes the way Rodney’s face gets even redder, his jaw sharper and he looks fucking pissed and Lorne likes it.

“You’re not fucking Sheppard.” Rodney says.

It’s not much of a question, not much of a statement and Lorne wants to push, wants to make Rodney upset because this is as close to alive as he’s been in awhile.

“If I was, it wouldn’t be any of your business.”

“Right, go be a slut, see if I care.”

“You went straight. Does Katie know? Does she know that you used to get fucked and you liked it? Does she know about that? Or are you that big of an asshole that you haven’t even told her any of that. Because she’s really oblivious to a lot of things.” Lorne says.

“That’s none of your business.” Rodney says, his voice a little higher pitched than normal.

“Right, just like me sleeping with other people, people that aren’t trying to kid themselves, is none of your business.”

He walks away after that because his hands are shaking and he’s shaking and he’s not sure how they went from perfectly happy to yelling at each other in deserted hallways.

He’s not sure he wants to know that answer to that one.


28th-Jun-2007 12:51 am (UTC)
This? This I love. I've been craving Rodney/Lorne and this was literary warm cookies and milk.

And I can mentally pair up Rodney with just about everyone - he is my little black dress - but Katie Brown? Weirdly wrong.
28th-Jun-2007 02:48 am (UTC)
I try, sweetie, I try.

Oh I know. It's nothing against Katie, but they just do not have that spark that Rodney has with pretty much everyone else.
(Deleted comment)
28th-Jun-2007 02:49 am (UTC)
Was the bitch really necessary? Such language.
(Deleted comment)
28th-Jun-2007 03:13 am (UTC)
No it's fine. That was just sarcasm... sorry it doesn't really come through over the net! Say all the cuss words you want. I cuss all the time.
(Deleted comment)
28th-Jun-2007 03:23 am (UTC)
Cussing... no doesn't bother me at all. I swear worse than that in the car all the time. People are shitty drivers
28th-Jun-2007 08:26 pm (UTC)
Very nice. Great story.

He’s just diluted himself into thinking it’ll
You mean deluded. :D
1st-Jul-2007 09:08 pm (UTC)
Ha, now to finish it.

Yes, that's what I meant. Fixed no. Thank you for pointing that one out.

30th-Jun-2007 06:37 am (UTC)
oh you are so good with the angsty angst of stupid boys trying to have relationships
& lorne is, as always, LOVE :-P

1st-Jul-2007 09:10 pm (UTC)
I try, I try. Sometimes these two just scream for some angst and after the whole Katie thing... it was just begging to be written.

Lorne is totally love. There should be more Lorne.
1st-Jul-2007 09:50 pm (UTC)
I am chosing to read this like a fortune cookie.

Lorne is totally love. There should be more Lorne.

"There should be more Lorne. IN MY BED."


30th-Jun-2007 10:43 pm (UTC)
Hope you don't mind me commenting on your fic as you don't know me.
I enjoy your Lorne/Rodney stories, but I have so much love for the secondary pairing of Carson/John you write into several of them.

Atlantis is filled with people who are hotter and nicer than Rodney could ever be.

Like Doctor Beckett, for example.

Yeah. That's the way I feel. Carson is adorable (and John is sex on legs.)
I wish someone had gone fishing with Carson as I am distraught with the idea of losing this character I look forward to seeing and hearing.

Even though I wouldn't be adverse to Carson/Lorne, I don't think Lorne appreciates the good doc here the way I want him to be appreciated. So I'm hoping Carson doesn't get hurt and maybe gets John. *grins*

Lorne is still hung up on Rodney. Messing about with someone's best friend, even if your relationship with that person is over (and this seems so not over), is very problematic.

If you ever write fic focusing on John/Carson, I would love to read.
1st-Jul-2007 09:20 pm (UTC)
Oh, no, of cours I don't mind you commenting. That's what feedback is and as everyone knows, feedback is love. I'm also glad that you like my Rodney/Lorne stories. And I like the John/Carson pairing. I'm always weary that it's not going to jive with everyone else though.

It's the main reason I wrote this fic. It was supposed to just be some h/c Rodney/Lorne angsty smut post Sunday, but then it morhped into this because I just couldn't write dead Carson.

I'm not going for Carson/Lorne. I just... couldn't do it. They just don't mesh that way for me so don't fear. It's not going that way.

Oh you know I've thought about writing a John/Carson fic by itself, but I've never gotten around to it. I can't seem to think up a good enough idea. Although the Grim Reaper Carson one had more of a focus on them then Rodney/Lorne... even though that wasn't my intention.
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