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The Hardest Thing About Writing Slashy Smut is the Pronoun Confusion
Clockstopper's Live Journal
So, I was talking with seikaitsukimizu Friday and he mentioned… 
16th-Apr-2007 12:36 am
So, I was talking with seikaitsukimizu Friday and he mentioned that he was getting sick. Then he made a post about being sick. So, in attempt to make you feel better my dear, I wrote this.

It's Rodney/Lorne and guess what... it's an AU based loosely (and when I say loose I mean pretty loosely) on Ugly Betty. You asked for this some time ago and I bet you didn't think I'd ever write it (or maybe you did considering your weird powers to make me write anything, even weird stuff like this), but here it is.

Because you're so awesome I wrote a fic based on a show I've seen all of two episodes about.

Not to make everyone else feel left out, I hope you all enjoy. And even if you've never seen Ugly Betty, I'm sure you'll get it. Heck, like I said I've only seen two episodes of the show myself.

Oh and seikaitsukimizu I'm thinking about writing another one. What do you think about Elizabeth as the Alexis character?

Summary: Rodney hits a rough patch with the science thing and takes a job at his best friend's magazine as a favor where he meets dorky accountant Evan Lorne. Some sparks fly.

“You should go out with him.”

Rodney tries not to yell at John to get his feet off of his desk, but it’s a near thing.

“Please do not give me advice on my love life when you can barely manage your own.” Rodney says.

He’s been reading the same line of the same stupid story for the last five minutes and that has nothing to do whatsoever with a certain visit from a certain accountant that works in the building. No matter how much John Sheppard would say it does.

“I’m just saying, good looking guy. He obviously seems pretty smitten with you.”

“Did you just use the word smitten?”

“Yeah, it’s what Teyla said. I thought it fit really nicely. I mean I’ve known Lorne for a long time and I’ve never seen him get so…”


“Well I was going to say dorky, but like I said, smitten works too.”

Rodney frowns.

It’s not that he doesn’t notice Evan when he comes around. It’s hard not to notice him. And it’s not that he doesn’t notice that Evan flirts with him, in his own dorky special kind of way.

It’s that he does notice all of this and he’s afraid that Chuck might notice it as well.

Not that John Sheppard cares.

“It doesn’t matter. Not available remember.” Rodney says a bit defiantly, chin raised and he takes a second to push his glasses up from where they’ve slid down his nose.

“Right. To the guy that fixes things. Charles.”

“Chuck.” Rodney says.

He’d be annoyed if he hadn’t already known that that’s just how John is. Incredibly smart, Mensa level smart and if it hadn’t been for that pesky heart condition he’d be flying fighter jets in some stupid war.

Instead he plays with his daddy’s millions and messing around with daddy’s magazine that he needs Rodney’s help to run while he seduces women and men of loose morals and virtue.

He’s a manwhore according to Fashion TV and Rodney’s inclined to agree with them.

But he’s known this about John. Has known it about John since they first met way back in college when John had been a Journalism major and Rodney had been going through various doctoral theses.

However, grant money and research has been stiff, no matter how brilliant Rodney is and John had dropped this job in his lap.

Sure he’s an assistant to John and that’s a bit degrading, but he’s good at his job, even if it does involve helping John with his personal life as well as his professional business.

But if he’s got to read another story about shoes with some name he can’t even pronounce, Rodney’s really going to consider taking Chuck up on his offer to help him fix technology at the local Pro-Buy.

“Right, Chuck. Mister Fix It. Didn’t he cheat on you with the neighbor?”

“Yes he did and he was very sorry about that. What’s it to you?”

“Just shocked is all. The great Dr. Rodney McKay taking back a guy after said guy cheated. I would have thought you’d have verbally ripped him a new one.”

“Chuck’s nice. A bit dumb compared to my caliber, but then again who isn’t. And it’s not like I’m you. I can’t have a rotating bedroom door. Besides I’m already demeaning myself with this job.”

“Says the man that has a secret BA in English. Come on, Rodney. I know you have a secret passion for old Russian tragedies.”

“No, that’s you Mister Himbo. I have a not so secret love for M-Theory.”

“Right and a burning passion for Evan Lorne.”

Rodney sighs and smoothes down his button up shirt. He wishes John would just drop it more than he wishes Carson would stop lamenting about how John’s his one and only, more than he wishes Laura would stop finding it hilarious to steal his glasses, more than he wishes Kavanaugh would stop whining about favoritism.

“You really need to stop it.”

“Why because I speak the truth?”

“No, because it’s annoying.”

John shifts in his seat and smirks.

“It wouldn’t be annoying if it weren’t true. Dump the stiff and hook up with Lorne. Maybe if you got laid you’d be less cranky.”

“This is my default setting. You’ve known me for how long? And what do you know about my sex life.”

“I know it can’t be too good.”

Rodney lets out a frustrated sigh because John is not trying to give him advice on this. John hasn’t been in a relationship longer than it takes for him to get laid and with his looks and charm that usually only lasts a night.

“And what because Evan’s got a pretty face…”

“Evan. Did you just call Lorne Evan?”

“Yes, it’s his name.” Rodney says, the silent duh heard loud and clear.

“Yes, but everyone in the office calls him Lorne. Heck, I’ve even heard his own mother call him Lorne.”

“And? Your point is?”

“My point is exactly what my point has been from the beginning. You like him. He likes you. Get it on already.”

“Get it on already?”

“Yeah, be wild. Have sex on your desk.”

“Okay not only is that unprofessional it is also just plain unsanitary.”

“Rodney, this guy likes you. As in puts up with your bitchy aspects, thinks your rants are cute, knows your favorite superhero is Batman, likes you. Can the same be said for Chandler.”

“Chuck and… maybe.”

“Maybe. You’re willing to take this guy back and you don’t even know if he knows that your favorite superhero is Batman.”

“My family likes him.” Rodney mutters.

John snorts, actually snorts and Rodney really wants to hit him. It’s not the first time in their long, weird friendship that Rodney’s had this feeling and it certainly won’t be the last.

“Your family. Right.”

“Look, can we drop this. I really have a lot of…”

“Um, knock, knock.”

Rodney looks up and John does this weird twist with his body that allows him to see the door. When he sees that it’s Lorne, John turns back and puts on his most dorky smile complete with weird head bob and Rodney thinks that this is the man that every woman and a few men in America, possibly the world, wants to have sex with.

Clearly they don’t know about his Back to the Future obsession.

“Hey… um… hi.” Rodney says, clearing his throat because his voice sounds way to high pitched at the first word.

“Hey Rodney… um… Mister Sheppard.”

“Lorne how many times do I have to tell you to call me John?”

“Sorry, sir, professional habit.” Lorne says.

He smiles, wide and bright and Rodney notices the way his face crinkles up as he smiles.

It’s probably not the type of thing he’s supposed to be noticing but he’ll blame all this madness on the fact that he’s had to read article after article about shoes and purses and Prada whatever.

That and the fact that Lorne’s ridiculously hot, but so is everyone that works and MODE.

“I, uh, I just wanted to thank Rodney again for finding that error in the books. I seriously would have lost my job if it wasn’t for your help.” Lorne says.

“Well, I mean its one mistake. And from what I’ve seen you’re not completely stupid so I’m going to assume that it was just a one time thing. But, you know, feel free to come to me if you have any more problems… not to say you’re not good at your job. I’m sure you’re very good at your job. John says you’re very good at your job.”

Rodney knows he’s babbling, but instead of looking at him like he’s an idiot or weird like everyone else does sometimes, Lorne just smiles and nods his head like he totally understands what Rodney’s saying.

He also knows that John’s looking at him with interest and he gets that urge to smack John again.

“Yeah, Lorne. You’re very good at your job.” John says brightly.

“Thanks sir. Um… anyway, you know since you helped I was wondering if you wanted to get some coffee. I know that that you said you liked that place across the street because the serve a drink bigger than a Venti. It’d be my treat.”

Rodney bites his lip because he wants to say yes. He wants to say that he’d be glad to go with Lorne to the coffee shop that serves the best coffee ever, that it’d be the best thing every, but John’s there and it’s spiteful, but he doesn’t want John to know that he could be right.

That and there’s Chuck.

“Um… you know I’ve got a few more stories to look over. Maybe some other time?” Rodney says.

He tries not to look at Lorne when he makes excuses and reassurances that it’s okay before leaving. He tries not to look because Lorne sounds kind of sad and he can feel John glaring at him.

“What?” Rodney says after Lorne leaves.

“You’re an idiot.” John says.

“Please don’t start this again. It’s nothing.”

“Nothing but the fact that you’re an idiot. In the decade or so since I’ve known you I’ve never seen you so…”


“No, I was going to go with smitten.”

And Rodney thinks that that’s the exact moment when he knew he was screwed.

16th-Apr-2007 01:00 pm (UTC)
Very, very sweet. Love this show and you meld them in a wonderful way. Chuck the Mr Fix It - was fabulous.
16th-Apr-2007 05:12 pm (UTC)
Awww! You wrote me sick!fic, and it's cute AU sick!fic! *happy* Thanks! That makes me feel much better (not that I can laugh, yet)! Thankies!
17th-Apr-2007 10:38 pm (UTC)
i've never seen ugly betty.

" I’ve even heard his own mother call him Lorne.”

so cute

19th-Apr-2007 08:46 pm (UTC)
*squishes Lorne* Oh, I love this, and I've never even seen that show! Your AUs rock. More soon?
7th-May-2007 02:41 am (UTC)
And Rodney thinks that that’s the exact moment when he knew he was screwed.

great line!
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