Oh man, so, today has not been all that good. Too much drama that I don't feel like getting into. And I'm tired. I needed to get some fics done, but I didn't, which sucked.
I did, however, write some more threesome fic. It's likes the only thing I can write lately. Title:
The Art of Getting Back TogetherFandom:
John/Rodney/Lorne Word Count:
I think R fits this oneSummary: Rodney’s not stupid enough to think things could just go back to normal. Author's Notes:
Okay so this probably would be better if read with the other six
first. Many thanks to my beta infinimato
for getting this fixed up so fast.
Rodney’s not stupid enough to think things could just go back to normal.
He knows that there are still issues and with John down for the count, at least for the next few weeks, Rodney has to be the one to make sure things stay semi-normal.
So he keeps Evan close, as close as he possibly can without raising suspicion. It’s hard, when he’s working on a project and on the verge of something great and most times he’ll miss him then. Evan will go back to his quarters and get that weird dejected look in his eyes, but he’ll always leave with Rodney when Rodney comes to get him.
Evan makes an effort. He seeks Rodney out without being prompted and he tries his best to keep his freak outs to a minimal. Rodney wonders if Evan wants someone to ask him what they’re about, but Rodney’s really not that good with people.
He cuddles closer to Evan at night and says I love you as much as he can without it sounding forced or sappy. He tells Evan that it’s okay and that he wants Evan there and he tries to do it in as little words as possible.
He’s not good at this relationship thing. He’s never claimed to be, but neither has John and he seems to muddle through it better than Rodney can.
Rodney knows Evan goes to visit John, late at night or early in the morning before Atlantis is up and John is asleep. Knows Evan just sits there and doesn’t say much. To anyone else it would look nothing like it is and Rodney wonders if that’s why he always looks so sad after visiting John.
John stays in the infirmary for a little over two weeks before Carson discharges him with the strict orders of bed rest and no work. John just smiles and acts charming and leans on Rodney for support.
Evan stands off to the side and looks nervous.
If Rodney had been an idealist, he would have been shocked by the cold attitude they give each other, the air of indifference that fills the room with so much tension that Rodney feels like he’s going to choke on it.
But Rodney isn’t an idealist and he knows John’s pissed. Knows John hasn’t had time to come to grips with the fact that Evan’s back in the relationship, transition all too easy and Rodney knows that. He wonders what John’s thinking because it can be near impossible to read John on the best of days. It’s even harder when John’s trying to hide.
“I’m sorry.” Evan says first and whispered into a room that’s filled with silence.
John’s jaw twitches and he takes some of his weight off of Rodney and leans against the not a real headboard.
“Is that all?” John asks.
“I freaked.” Evan says.
He looks a bit desperate and confused and Rodney bites his lip to keep from saying it’s alright.
He’s forgiven Evan and that’s something he hadn’t seen coming. After all the fighting and the yelling and all of it, Rodney had thought he’d be the one to hold out, but he guesses he should have known he’d cave before John even considered it.
“I got that.” John says, calmly and Evan fidgets under John’s stare.
“It’s just that… I didn’t…”
“I’m tired.” John says loudly and over Evan’s words.
He’s got this serious look in his eyes that Rodney’s seen before and it means he doesn’t want to have this conversation right now. That he wants to put it on hold for a little while longer until he’s got all his emotions in check.
Evan frowns and moves around jerkily.
“I want to sleep.” John announces just as loudly and in the same tone.
“Okay.” Evan says uncertainly.
“So, let’s sleep.” John says like it’s the most natural thing in the world.
Rodney can’t hide his surprise at that assessment and neither can Evan, but Rodney’s the first to move, the first to act. He slides in next to John and motions Evan to slide in on the other side.
It’s John in the middle and, despite how many jokes John makes about being the glue that holds them all together, it’s almost never John in the middle.
But it works.
They talk in increments. The talk in the spaces between John’s physical therapy, and their dinners, and their weekly chess tournaments that usually result in pieces flying everywhere.
There are things that Evan will only talk to John about, fears about the military and their careers and all the things that could make this whole situation go bad. Things Rodney couldn’t even begin to understand and doesn’t want to because the American military can be so stupid sometimes that it makes Rodney’s brain hurt.
There are things the Evan talks to Rodney about, things about their relationship and why it works and how it’s not John and Rodney with a side of Evan but John and Rodney and Evan. Rodney sometimes has a hard time explaining it too, but he thinks that probably helps in the long run, thinks that it makes Evan see he’s not alone in thinking that they have a weird relationship.
They never out right talk about their feelings, not really anyway. Sometimes they’ll sit on the couch and John will hold Evan close, face in his neck and he’ll whisper that they’re not crazy for doing things, for wanting this and Rodney will do his best to agree and make Evan see that it’s the truth.
It’s not perfect, but it’s a work in progress.
Evan never tells John that Rodney’s the one that shot Kolya.
Even when John gets mad, and John gets furious about it sometimes, Evan will stand there, firm and strong and say that it was the right thing that he had to do it.
And he’ll never let on that Rodney’s the one that pulled the trigger.
Rodney doesn’t get why. He doesn’t get why he’d take John’s crap, all the psychological angst that’s going on with John about not being the one to kill his number one enemy next to the Wraith. And when he asks, Evan just smiles.
“It’s easier for him to blame me.” Evan says one night after he and John get into another argument that’s just a thinly veiled extension of John being angry.
An argument filled with a lot of ‘sirs’ and ‘I was just following procedure’ all said with varying degrees of sarcasm.
“No it’s not.” Rodney says.
“I don’t mean it like that. If it were Ronon, it’d be easier for him to be mad at Ronon. Because he let his guard down and Kolya could have shot any one of us. Could have taken another thing away from him. Because he didn’t get to do it himself.” Evan says.
“Why you though? He could be mad at me. I’m the one that shot him.”
They don’t say kill. They can’t say kill even though Rodney shot him three times because they don’t know for sure. Kolya’s proven to be illusive when it comes to death and Rodney’s not ready to count him out just yet.
“Maybe it’s because I have to deal with my own penance.”
He can never get Evan to tell him what he means by that, but Rodney thinks he knows. Thinks it has something to do with the way Evan had watched him so closely, when they were together, during those days after the rescue mission.
He feels guilty for not being quick enough, for not shooting fast enough and for Rodney having to be the one that took out a gun and fired on Kolya.
Rodney thinks he’ll never be able to understand military men, but he doesn’t think that much matters.
Evan is ordered to see Kate Heightmeyer every Thursday.
It comes directly from Elizabeth and Evan hadn’t even requested not to. Hadn’t even gone to John even though John had had a few words to say to Elizabeth about the matter.
John had postured and said that Lorne was one of his men and he should be the one to make decisions like that, not Elizabeth, and Elizabeth had just sat there looking calm and diplomatic and had asked John if he wanted to see the tape of Lorne interrogating one of the men from Kolya’s strike force.
John had watched the tape, but he hadn’t let Rodney see it.
“What do you think he talks to her about?” Rodney asks one Thursday when Evan misses dinner again because he has a late appointment with Heightmeyer.
“I don’t know. Stuff.” John says a bit noncommittally.
“Stuff? You think he talks to her about stuff?”
“I don’t know, Rodney. It’s not my psych session.”
Rodney doesn’t mention that John never has psych sessions. That he doesn’t so much flat out refuses them as he does convince everyone that’s he’s totally one hundred percent okay even if he’s not.
“Do you think he talks about us?” Rodney asks voice low even though they’re in their quarters and not in the mess hall where there are gossipy scientists and marines.
John straightens a bit at that, bites on his lower lip and sighs.
“Maybe. I don’t know.”
“You’re not afraid of it?”
“It’s not like she can tell anyone. It’s confidential. Besides, I don’t think he spends his time talking about us… at least not directly.”
Rodney frowns. He wants to ask John what he means by that, if he has insider information. But then he thinks that maybe he doesn’t want to know.
“Maybe he just feeds her bullshit. I’m sure that’s what you would do if Elizabeth forced you to see the resident shrink.” Rodney says.
He’s trying for light and funny and knows he hits his mark when John smiles and shakes his head.
“Yup, probably tells her all sorts of lies.”
They have sex for the first time or what Rodney qualifies as the first time, a week after Carson gives John the okay.
It’s a week they spend alternating on who gets to freak out when and coming up with fun things to do that don’t involve sex like they’ve never done it before when they used to do it all the time.
It surprises Rodney a little that it’s Evan that stops them all from being ridiculous when, after a week of the whole freaking out thing, he pulls John close and kisses him, hands tugging at John’s shirt and John just goes with it.
He pulls Rodney in too, kisses him with just the same passion and intensity that he had kissed John with all of it leading up to the point where they’re on the bed, naked and panting. John’s on top of Evan, hips thrusting inside and he’s situated in a way that allows Rodney to push inside him.
They move together, push and kiss and touch and if Rodney were a sentimental kind of guy he would think it had been like coming home.
Instead he settles for thinking it had been the best sex ever and falls asleep with John’s head resting on his shoulder and Evan’s fingers brushing against his own.
He pretends to be asleep so he can hear them talk.
Hushed tones and words said frantically into the night and Rodney has to will himself to keep from opening his eyes.
“I really am sorry.” Evan says.
“You freaked. I saw it coming.”
“I’m sorry about the other thing too.”
Rodney feels John tense from his place between them. Feels John sigh and he can almost picture John’s face, tense and pinched as he tries to find the right words.
“You don’t have to be sorry about that.” John says after a few moments of silence.
“I should have…”
“You can’t think about those.”
“I didn’t exactly deal with it all that well. On my front I mean. I did some stupid things.”
Rodney’s eyes don’t have to be open to know that Evan probably looks confused.
“Elizabeth told me. She showed me the tape.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“I was just so…”
“I know. I’ll make it so you never have to feel like that.”
Rodney knows that’s a lie, even if he doesn’t know what they’re talking about entirely. Evan obviously thinks that’s a lie too because he snorts and his words sound unbelieving.
“Okay, I’ll try.”
“Yeah, try. Because I kind of love the both of you and don’t want to see anything bad happen.”
“Yeah, yeah… I love you too.”
They get quiet again and Rodney thinks maybe they both went to sleep until Evan talks.
“Did you tell Rodney?”
“About the tape.”
“No. He didn’t need to know.”
Rodney would be mad at them for keeping secrets, but he’s got one with Evan so he lets this one go. Lets them have just this one.
But everything else belongs to the three of them.
Like I told infinimato
, I'm gonna have to write some smutty OT3 fic to make up for the angst here.