There are more questions than answers (clockstopper) wrote,
There are more questions than answers

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New John/Rodney fic

I can't seem to write a fic that doesn't have at least one of them getting hurt in some way or another and this one is no exception. It seems to just be this pairing too, although I guess I did write one... in there somewhere. Ah, go figure.

Title: Pandemonium
Author: Clockstopper
Fandom and Pairing: SGA, John/Rodney
Rating: PG-13
Prompt: Sound
Warnings: Um... some violence.
Notes: Been awhile since I wrote a fic about these two so I felt it was time to start up with them again.
Summary: It's funny the things you remember while you're dying.

John thinks it’s weird that the things you remember when you’re shot and bleeding to death are pretty random. There should be some sort of order to them. He thinks that maybe, you should remember the important things. The things that matter. All the little moments in your life that you hold dear to you.

What John remembers and it’s a clear memory, is the first time he heard Rodney snort. How someone could convey that much distaste toward the lack of thought process in that one tiny sound had amazed John just a little bit more than it should have. He had watched, just a little fascinated, as Rodney tore into the scientist in front of him, ripping apart theories and insulting parentage, before the scientist ran from the room crying.

Rodney had merely pfft and yelled at everyone to get back to work.

John remembers the first time he heard Rodney give an explanation about their latest plan to save Atlantis. Mouth moving at light speed as Rodney spouted out geek babble faster than John thought humanly possible and John remembers thinking that Rodney was making it all up. Almost says it, but then John has more self-preservation than that and even if he said it as jokingly as possible, Rodney would take it as an insult.

And then that super quick mouth would be tongue lashing him and John knew, even then, that though he can keep his own in argument against Rodney McKay, Rodney is still the master and has made grown men cry.

John remembers the first time he fell in love with Rodney and where he was and what exactly they were doing. They were in the mess hall of all places and John had gotten his hands on the last of the blue Jell-O. John, not being the kind of person that ate things that jiggled, handed it to Rodney. Rodney made this moan that sounded kind of like a squeal too and ate it happily, moans emitting from his mouth every once in awhile and all John could do was stare in a fascinated lust haze.

“Colonel, it’s quite possible I love you more than words can properly express right now.” Rodney had said after he was done with his Jell-O.

John thinks it’s weird that he fell in love with Rodney while he was eating and he thinks it’s weird that Rodney fell in love with him because John gave him food, but then again nothing about their relationship is exactly normal.

“Damn it, Ronon we need to get to the jumper right now!” Rodney yells near him and John can barely feel the weight of Rodney’s hands pressing down on his wound.

“I’m doing the best I can, McKay.” Ronon grunts back and he fires off another round from his gun.

John has to remember to ask him where he got that thing.

“It would seem that we are outnumbered, Rodney.” Teyla says.

“Thank you Mrs. States the Obvious. We have to do something. He’s bleeding too fast here.”

John thinks that, if he’s really dying, he should be seeing scenes from his life. His childhood when his mom was alive and she was vibrant and fun. His teen years when his mom was dead and his dad shipped him from base to base and he never made any real friends. His adult life where everything was about flying and anything else was secondary, even the other things he wanted in life. All the things that turned him from an awkward, quiet, polite boy to a charming, smooth intergalactic traveler who was still a little quiet.

And if he was going to remember Rodney, he could remember the good things. Like the way Rodney had sounded when he had told John that he loved him for the first time. He’d been nervous, hands wringing as he bit his lips. He’d stumbled over the words, but said the ones that counted and John just smiled and kissed him and said that he loved Rodney too.

Or the moments, before all of Atlantis is awake and they’re lying in bed, and Rodney’s arms are around him and he can just stare at Rodney for a little while. The softness of his features doing something to John’s insides and Rodney drools a little bit and he snores a little bit too, but that’s okay because he always looks great like this, in the mornings when John wakes up and can stare at him. He doesn’t even mind the snoring most of the time.

Or the noises Rodney makes when they’re having sex because John knows for sure that he loves those noises. The sighs and the moans and the groans and the way he moves, but John’s brain feels fuzzy and addled and he’s only hearing every other word and sound going on around him.

“McKay, let me have him.” Ronon says.

“No, you need to shot your gun.”

“He’s too heavy for you to…”

“Are we going to stand around an argue or are we going to try and save Colonel Sheppard’s life.” Rodney snaps his voice hard and strange sounding to John’s ears.

Ronon grunts and John feels himself being lifted up into Rodney’s arms and he hears Rodney grunt because it’s crazy. John maybe thinner than Rodney, but he’s still got all his gear on and it’s quite a ways to the jumper.

But there walking and John’s eyes are focused on the sky and he doesn’t know how long it takes them to get to the jumper, Ronon and Teyla shooting off their guns at the villagers that still haven’t had enough and are following them.

“Okay, you’re good now. Teyla, get over here.” Rodney yells.

Teyla doesn’t say anything to Rodney snappish behavior and John can see that she looks scared and nervous and worried. And he can see that Rodney has that same look in his eyes, but there’s love and desperation there to.

“Rodney.” John chokes out.

“Shut up, shut up, shut up…” Rodney mutters as he tries and gets things out from his pack.

Teyla helps him, her small hands moving to the blood soaked towels that Rodney had been pressing against the bullet wound. He pulls out different things and tells her how to use them and John stays quiet because he can see that even though Rodney talking to Teyla, he’s still thinking shut up.

“Okay.” John says and he feels his eyes close.

He can hear Rodney telling him to open them and he tries, he really makes an effort, but everything hurts and everything’s fuzzy. He can hear Rodney getting more frantic, but it sounds far off and he feels Rodney shaking him just a little bit.

And then he hears nothing.


Rodney knows he’s probably pissed off a lot of the nursing staff by now, but he could care less. They know who he is and that he’s loud and rude and obnoxious and they’ve seen him enough times after John’s been hurt to know that he freaks out a little more than necessary.

They made it through the gate, Rodney’s flying a little faster and a lot shakier than usual, but no one seemed to be complaining. Rodney had barely had the sense to radio Atlantis before hand to tell them to get a medical team to the gate room.

Chaos broke out, nurses and doctors everywhere and Carson yelled, actually yelled, at people to get out of his way. Elizabeth had come down demanding to know what happened, but Rodney was shaking so much and Teyla and Ronon went into shock the minute John was wheeled away.

Elizabeth sighed and told them all to go to the infirmary to get checked out and to be ready for debriefing the next day. Rodney vaguely remembers saying okay to her, but that’s about it. He couldn’t get to the infirmary fast enough and he even sat through the nurses trying to patch him up just so he could start pacing the waiting room.

So that’s where he is, pacing the waiting room with Ronon and Teyla sitting quietly in chairs and it’s been six hours since the whisked John away to surgery. They’ve heard nothing since then and Rodney’s beginning to get a little freaked out. So he paces, paces to keep from hyperventilating or going into shock and he really should eat something soon.

He pulls out a power bar and begins to unwrap it when Carson comes out, surgical apron splattered with blood, John’s blood. He takes off his mask and sighs.

“He’s going to be fine. It was touch and go there for awhile, but you know the Colonel. Pulled through like the tough lad he is.” Carson says.

Rodney lets out a sigh of relief and he hears it echoed by Ronon and Teyla.

“Is he awake?” Rodney asks.

“Yes, for now. He’s not too lucid though mind you. We had to hop him up on drugs the minute he came to because of the pain, but he is awake.” Carson says.

“May we see him?” Teyla asks.

“Well… maybe just one of you tonight. I’d like him to get some rest.” Carson says.

“That’s okay. We’ll just wait until.”

“McKay… go.” Ronon says.

Rodney looks at him for a minute and he can tell the Ronon’s telling him to go because he knows if Rodney doesn’t see John tonight he’s just going to pace the waiting room all night and not sleep and possibly keel over from hypoglycemic shock. Of course Ronon can’t say that many words so he just grunts and points.

“Oh… okay.” Rodney says.

“Aye, you’ll have to promise to be quiet and leave when I tell you to.”

“Of course, of course.” Rodney says waving his hand about to dismiss Carson’s words.


“Okay, I promise now can I please see him.”

Carson sighs, but moves out of the way. Rodney goes through the door and sees John lying in the bed, tubes and wires everywhere and he gasps just a little bit before walking over to John. He sits down in the chair beside his bed and grabs John’s hand in his own.

“Hey.” John croaks.

“Hey.” Rodney answers back.

“Feels like I’ve been hit by a bus… maybe two.”

“No, you were shot. Carson patched you up.”

“Good old Carson.”

“He says I can only stay awhile. You know how tyrannical he can be some times.”

“Don’t think it matters much. I can’t really feel anything.”

“I just had to see you.”

“You don’t have to worry about me.” John says.

Rodney smiles at him. His eyes are pretty much closed and the skin around his mouth is pale and he looks pretty terrible. Except for his hair and how that can manage to stick out in odd angles after everything that happened today is something Rodney can’t quite figure out.

“Shut up.”

“You’ve been shutting me up all day.” John says and he tries to pout but it falls short and just looks like a grimace.

“Well if you hadn’t been saying stupid things all day I wouldn’t have to try and shut you up.”

“I love you.” John says a bit giddily and he sounds a little high.

It must be the drugs Carson has him on.

“That’s the smartest thing you’ve said all day.” Rodney answers back smiling at him.

John smiles back and Rodney squeezes his hand a little.

“I’m tired.” John says, his voice small and pathetic sounding.

“Go to sleep. I’ll be by in the morning.” Rodney says.

“Hmm… okay.” John says.

Rodney stands up and looks at him for awhile before bending down to kiss him on the forehead, not really caring who’s around to see.

“Get some rest.” He whispers.

“Hmm… I love you.”

“I love you too.” Rodney whispers as he makes his way to the door.

He thinks it’s those words he’ll remember hearing until the day he dies.


Tags: john/rodney, sga, wordclaim50 fic

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