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The Hardest Thing About Writing Slashy Smut is the Pronoun Confusion
Clockstopper's Live Journal
New Rodney/Lorne fic because No Man's Land inspired me 
15th-Jul-2006 02:04 am
So of course there will be spoilers for No Man's Land considering it was inspiration. It was just so awesome with the Rodney/Lorne. I had to write this and it's not part of the Best Laid Plans series I'm writing, which it should be, but it's not. I had to shift a few things around for this to even fit into a challenge (wordclaim50 of course) because it was almost just going to be a fic for no reason. Not that those aren't fun, but I have too many challenges to just write fics for no reason.

“Hold still.”

“Look… it’s not that bad. I’ll take care of it…”

“Just, please shut up.”

“The fall didn’t really hurt that much.”

“Oh you are so lying to me right now. I can’t believe you’re actually trying to lie to me. I get enough of this crap with Sheppard. I really don’t need it from you.”


“Shut up. You’re ruining my concentration.”

Lorne sighs because really it doesn’t take that much concentration to put on a bandage. And it’s not like he even needs it, but Rodney insisted and Lorne thought if he had gone through all that trouble to high-jack a bandage and find some place that was excluded from the two hundred plus personnel, then the least Lorne could do was indulge him.

But Rodney’s not really putting the bandage on him. His hands are touching his throat, red marks popping up and Lorne knows that’s because the Wraith Queen is one powerful Wraith. Hands on his arms and sides and chest. Fingers lingering on the bump on his forehead and the various scratches and gashes on his head and hands.

“I don’t really need a bandage Rodney.”

“You know I almost died. Various times in the last few hours. I’m guessing the same can be said for you.” Rodney says and he’s not looking at Lorne’s face.

Lorne doesn’t expect him to. He’s seen this before. Comforted Rodney after bad missions and he knows exactly what this is.

“The Orion blew up.” Lorne says.

Rodney makes his distressed face and Lorne almost smiles at that because it never stops looking cute to him.

“Yes, I know that. You were there when I was informed of that. You’re not going into some kind of weird shock are you? Because that could be bad. Who knows how long it will take before we get to a good doctor and you’re not going to go into a coma now after all of this.”

“I’m fine Rodney. It’s just… it was kind of fun. Being in charge of an Ancient spaceship like that. And it could have been useful.”

“Yes, well, let’s not dwell on the could have beens hmm.”

“You started it.” Lorne says petulantly.

“Oh that’s mature.” Rodney says as he puts the bandage on, smoothing out the wrinkles so it looks like a professional job.

“All I’m saying is you’re the one that started in with the death talk.”

“Yes, I’m well aware of that. I was with the death talk when I was wrapped up in that cocoon. I was thinking about all the things that I… that I never…”

“Rodney, stop.”


“No, stop.” Lorne says grabbing Rodney’s hands.

He holds them in his own because he knows Rodney and he knows that if he doesn’t stop his current train of thought they’re going to start shaking and that’s never good.

“Have you eaten?” Lorne asks.

Rodney doesn’t answer him, his eyes wide and unseeing and Lorne knows his brain is thinking a mile a minute. Most of the time it’s a great thing, but right now it’s going to cause Rodney to go into shock.

“We almost…”

“I know.”

“We could have…”

“I know.”

“I just…”

“I know. Rodney, look at me.”

Rodney’s head raises, his blue eyes still unbelievably wide and his usually crooked mouth looks even more crooked.

“I know.” Lorne says and he hopes that’s enough for Rodney because they don’t need Rodney freaking out.

They need Rodney brilliant and thinking and confident and since Lorne knows how to make Rodney forget all the panic stuff even if it’s just for a little while. He’ll get back to being Rodney and start ordering people around and he’ll forget all about the panic… at least until they can get to Atlantis and Lorne can distract him further with sex.

Lorne gives a brief thought to that idea and then starts to question the truth behind the whole shock thing because he’s actually thinking of having sex with Rodney in a Wraith hive ship with Colonel Sheppard and Colonel Caldwell on board. Even if they could find a secluded enough section and even if they didn’t get interrupted by people hailing them on the radio, Rodney especially, it’s just a little too creepy.

So he does the next best thing. Grabs Rodney’s face in his hands and pulls Rodney’s lips against his own. Rodney’s momentarily shocked before he gets into it, lips pressing needy and desperate against his own, tongue pushing it’s way past Lorne’s lips and into his mouth. It’s all warm and wet and Lorne’s fingers smooth circles on the skin on Rodney’s face. Rodney’s moaning in his mouth and Rodney’s hands are grasping at his jacket and Lorne knows Rodney’s brain isn’t thinking about death or destruction or Wraith. He’s thinking about now and more and please, mewling into Lorne’s mouth and Lorne just responds with equal fervor.


Lorne pulls away and he knew this was a bad idea, but he couldn’t stop himself and Rodney needed some kind of distraction. Talking didn’t look like it was going to work.

“Oh, Ronon. What… what are you…”

“Sheppard wants you in the Wraith control room. Something about making sure everything’s working properly.” Ronon grunts out.

“Oh. Right. Um… tell him… tell him I’ll be there soon.” Rodney says.

“Sure. Lorne.” Ronon says tilting his head.

“Ronon.” Lorne says.

He grins at them for a little while longer before going off. Lorne sighs and closes his eyes.

“He’s not going to say anything. And even if he did it’s not like Sheppard doesn’t already…”

“Stop, Rodney. I’m not worried.”

“Although you should be worried that he’s trying to compromise my virtue.”


“He was very touchy when we running through this ship. Almost like he didn’t know that you and me were… you and me.”

“Hmm… you think I can take him.” Lorne says jokingly.

“Hand to hand… not a chance.”

“I don’t know. I heard somewhere with the right motivation, a guy could gain the strength of ten men and I think the big guy fondling you would qualify as the right motivation.”

Rodney rolls his eyes.

“However you do have a really big gun so…”

“You know it’s a testament to how not squashed my brain is that I took that for the shameless innuendo you meant that to be.”

Rodney smiles at him and Lorne smiles back, hands combing through Rodney’s short hair.

“Guess my brain’s not squashed either considering I made it.”

“Well you’ve got brains to spare so it’s not too bad if some of them get squashed.”

Rodney starts to laugh and Lorne could careless if he’s about to be called an idiot or something to that effect.

“You’re trying to distract me.” Rodney says and it’s not a question.

He just knows that Lorne’s trying to distract him, but it wasn’t like Lorne was trying to be subtle about it.

“Well usually there would be sex involved, but… had to make due.” Lorne says.

“Hmmm, would have liked the sex. It’s been…”

“Don’t. I don’t even want to think about just how long it’s been since we’ve had proper sex.”

“Now that I think about… I don’t either.”

They’re quiet for a few seconds and both of them now if they don’t show up soon, then Sheppard and Caldwell are going to send someone else and that person isn’t going to be as nearly as thoughtful as Ronon. Still, Lorne can’t help but wish that this was all over already and they were back in Atlantis.

“We better go.” Lorne says quietly.

“Yeah, knowing Sheppard, he’ll send out a search team.” Rodney grumbles.

“Come on. I think I’ve got a power bar in my bag somewhere.”

“Did the Daedelus even beam aboard your bag?”

“Probably not, but we need to go anyway.” Lorne says grabbing Rodney’s hands as he pulls them up.

They stand, staring at each other for a few moments.

“You know I…”

“I know.”

Rodney pouts, brows furrowing and his hands clench on Lorne’s jacket.

“You almost blew up in an Ancient war ship and then almost died due to strangulation because we almost lost oxygen. I was trapped in a Wraith cocoon and then almost blew up a hive ship with me in it and went through the oxygen thing. You still won’t let me say it.”

“Not that I don’t love it when you say it, but I’d much rather you wait until we’re safe inside Atlantis, preferably in bed.”

“So that would be never then.” Rodney says sarcastically.

Lorne rolls his eyes and sighs.

“I know okay. And it, and you better not laugh because you know I have a gun and I won’t hesitate to shot you if you do, makes me all warm and gooey inside. And I can’t concentrate on the job when I’m…”

“Warm and gooey inside?” Rodney says with a smile on his face.

“I said no laughing.”

“I’m not laughing.” Rodney says, but his smile widens and Lorne frowns.

“Stop frowning. It’s not a good look on you.” Rodney says.

Lorne glares.

“Ah, see that look is way better. Hotter too. If only right. Anyway, we have to go.” Rodney says as he starts to walk toward the rest of the group.

Lorne starts to follow him, when he turns, serious look on his face as he wrings his hands together. He opens his mouth a few times before closing it, frustrated look on his face.


“You do that to me too. Make me warm and gooey. Just thought you should know.” Rodney says as he turns back and starts walking again.

Lorne sighs and thinks he should have just let Rodney say I love you.


15th-Jul-2006 11:01 pm (UTC)

So cute! And Lorne looked good in the command chair of the Orion too.

And Rodney, with the trying to make Lorne jealous... Oh Ronon would so kick Lorne's butt, and be amused while doing it.
17th-Jul-2006 03:41 am (UTC)
Yes he looked very good in that command chair, all sprawled out and what not. I think Rodney would have definitely liked to see that.

Ronon would kick Lorne's butt, but I still love Lorne. Thanks for reading hun.
16th-Jul-2006 08:35 am (UTC)
Awwwwwwwwww how cute!!! *huggles the fic*

I was so upset when the Orion blew up, can only imagine how poor Lorne felt.

And now I want to see a fic where Ronon and Lorne are fighting over Rodney! Heee!
17th-Jul-2006 03:43 am (UTC)
Psst... that fic you wanted to see with Ronon and Lorne fighting... I have it right here although it's not so much them fighting over Rodney as it is Lorne getting jealous and trying to kick Ronon's ass and getting his kicked in the process.

I know, the Orion blew up. I would have loved to see both Lorne and John being all commander-y with it, but alas it is no more. And I seriously hope they save the Daedelus 'cause Colonel Caldwell was meant to live out the rest of his life in that chair.
18th-Jul-2006 06:30 am (UTC)
*is warm and gooey inside too* That was lovely!
20th-Jul-2006 02:27 am (UTC)
Hi, I just finished reading all your Lorne/Rodney fics and I must say I have a big grin on my face right now. I just saw No Man's Land too, and when Lorne called Rodney by his first name... *giggles* The Orion blowing up made me sad, though. *pouts*

Anyway, just wanted to let you know, I love your fics. I love reading the humour and character voices, I think you've got them all down pat. Thanks so much for sharing! :)
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