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The Hardest Thing About Writing Slashy Smut is the Pronoun Confusion
Clockstopper's Live Journal
21st-Nov-2008 10:58 pm
alex suarez with GUSTAVO
Yo, Fangs Up Bitches.

This is my Cobra Starship Primer for my friends who I am totally dragging into bandom. Which, at the moment, is one.

But whatever.

To the pretties.

This Cobra Starship.

They consist of Gabe Saporta (frontman and singer), Ryland Blackinton (sometimes known as Guy Ripley. He plays the guitar.), Alex Suarez (also known as Suave Suarez, bassist), tiny Nate Navarro (no akas and he plays the drums), and the wonderful and fabulous Vicky T (who's really name is Victoria Asher and she plays the motherfucking keytar.)

They are a wonderful band.

And I don't know what this is, but it's like a mixture of bad 80s fashion and like the dance techno look and it's ridiculous, but fabulous.

This is Cobra with Eliza, they're former keytarist. If you see other pictures of her, she kind of doesn't jive with the band's style. I have no idea what happened to her, but she has been replaced by Vicky T. Of course, apparently Cobra started out with just Gabe and a band he had to tour. When Cobra became more than a side project, he got people together he could stay with, which led to Vicky T and adorable little Nate Navarro (honestly, I don't know how tall he is but he looks tiny.)

Cobra started as a side project for Gabe from his band Midtown.

This is Gabe during his Midtown days. I don't know much about Midtown other than Gabe was in it and he used to play the bass and possibly sing (this is what wiki said, if I'm wrong... well I don't care.) but look at him. He still looks hot (this is Gabriel Eduardo Saporta people. The man can't not look hot) but the clothes... he almost doesn't look like Gabe.

This is Gabe now. Doesn't he look awesome? Note his shirt says "Because I'm Gabe Saporta and I Can Do That". I want to thank whoever gave him that shirt or possibly huggle him if he made it himself.

Anyway, Gabe first started out with a parody song of Gwen Stefani's Hollaback Girl. His song was titled Hollaback Boy. It's completely ridiculous.

So, apparently, the people from Snakes on a Plane were searching for a main song for their ridiculous movie. So Sisky Business (from The Academy Is... fame.) told Gabe about it and, to quote Gabe, "Oh, yeah, I guess I can do that because I got that Cobra shit and whatever".

They got together the MEGA band which featured Gabe, Travie from Gym Class Heroes, William Beckett from The Academy Is... and Maja from The Sounds.

And they created Bring It (Snakes on a Plane)

And Gabe was still going through a bit of a phase with the clothing. There's a wonderful picture of him and Mikeyway looking like the same only Gabe was way taller which is saying something because Mikeyway is supposed to be like tall.

It's hard to tell when your band involves Frank Iero, okay. Because he's tiny.

From there, Gabe created beautiful music and 10 more songs to complete the album While the City Sleeps, We Rule the Streets.

And songs like this were created:

The Church of Hot Addiction

There's Eliza in the music video and she sort of fits and I can only guess that that's little Nate on the drums. And yes that is Ryland and Alex singing Hey Mister Dj in the beginning in Spanish. Precious.

Hey Mister DJ (this song has a much longer title and I can't be bothered to look it up.)

So, okay, here's the thing. This music video pretty much explains Gabe's explanation of the Cobra Starship.

Seriously, it's on the official website

I have no idea if this is true or not. Gabe could just be that crazy to actually believe in this shit, but like whatever, okay. It's hilarious.

So, this is Gabe.

He was born October 11, 1979 (oddly enough that is my dad's birthday as well. Not the year, but the date. This makes him exactly 14 years younger than my father.) in Montevideo, Uruguay. He does not believe in Emo and really just wants you to shut your mouth and get down on the floor. No joke. You better not wear black to one of his motherfucking concerts because he will talk mad shit on you for it.

Gabe is Jewish as well as being Latino. Hence the crazy hair.

He likes wearing ridiculous glasses and hats and holding up signs that tell stuff about himself. There's a lovely one of him holding up a sign that says he loves William Beckett.

We already knew that Gabe.

Gabe is also a vegetarian. He got into it because of his friends, but then he realized how truly awesome the life style is so he kept right on trucking with it. Also, he may call you a Vegas Slut and talk about reincarnation and being a dinosaur and like how he used to be anti-social until he started being nice to people, but he will also sit down on a bench because he's really tall and your really short and you just want a picture with him.

He also likes ridiculous poses.

Yes, that's me and yes I know I look fucking scared out of my mind, but motherfuckers, Gabe Saporta is touching me.

Now here's Ryland.

He has an alter ego named Guy Ripley who speaks with a British accent and has the catchphrase delicious. He also love Vicky T in a gross icky sort of way as well as William Beckett. But he is also very fucking hilarious. His nickname is also Pleasure. For Pleasure Ryland. Which can sound like Pleasure Island.

Ryland scares the shit out of Danielle. It's hilarious to me. Really, he's very sweet.

Now to Suave Suarez.

Alex is probably the most of attractive of the bunch. Although, he's like... I don't know. No, he's like the most conventionally attractive is what it is.

He's a remix master and he's always in a fucking suit which makes me laugh and smile.

He likes dinos

He likes Pauly Shore, but doesn't think his name should be on the Laugh House (I don't know which ever one Pauly Shore's mom owns.) and he's a little defensive of his love. I had to tell him that Bio-Dome is the motherfucking shit. I really thought he was going to cry if I didn't.

And now for Nate.

I admittedly know little about the man. There is not a lot of info on the interwebs about him. Not even his age people. Though the way he's talked about I would assume he was the youngest. He plays the drums and he told Gabe to not step on his drums, but Gabe wouldn't listen and finally Nate had to put some bling on his drum set so Gabe would stop.

And motherfucker it got Gabe to stop.

This leads me to think that Nate is the motherfucking man.

In Gabe's little pretending to be an alien cobra bio of their band, Gabe totally bypasses Eliza and goes to Vicky T.

Vicky T is a directing major and she likes to edit their music videos (at least she edited both Guilty Pleasure vids.) The fans also got into an uproar about her looking like a man? Yeah, what the fuck guys, because she's not boobilicious like Eliza. Vicky T rocks. And she knows how to deal with Gabe okay? Awesome. Are we clear?

I give you Guilty Pleasure, the home video. Apparently Decaydance/FBR gave them $650000 to make a video but they blew it on a Delorean. Who gives a shit if that's real or not okay? They all look so happy to be doing random shit. And look at how tiny Nate's legs are! And Ryland doesn't match the decor! And the hand dance!

They made an alternate version with Patrick Stump okay. Patrick Stump like re-living his Bedussey days or some shit.

And because you cannot talk about Cobra Starship and Gabe Saporta and bypass the William Beckett... here's William Beckett.

William Beckett is precious. He recently cut his hair really short, or, well, as short as William Beckett could cut it and people lost their shit over it.

I personally think he looks really sweet. But it's William Beckett okay.

Here is William with Sisky Business who's really name is Adam T Siska. I think he plays the bass, but please do not quote me on that. I'm just barely getting into the Academy is. Anyway, they've all got nicknames and William has a few. There's Bill and Billy and Billvy (yeah, don't ask about the Billvy because I do not know.)

It's hilarious that William looks so much like a woman. Especially with the long hair. Honestly, this picture came before the other ones and he looks younger there than he does here. The man is going to age well.

And because you can't talk about William and Gabe without talking about William and Gabe... I give you William and Gabe.

I probably will not be coherent for the next few pictures.

Seriously, not coherent.

Bandom is sort of filled with so many pairings that can totally happen that you don't really have an OTP, but Gabe and William sort of undo that for me. They are precious. They've been friends for a long time even though Billy Beckett is 6 years younger than him. Apparently William and his band did some stuff for Midtown and then Billy Beckett returned the favor when Gabe started Cobra.

They are best friends.

Gabe and William are best friends.

Okay that picture is my favorite. It is typical them. They are OTP

Even if Travie makes it hard to keep it that way.

Really hard.

Like Threesome hard.

And here endeth the primer. Please take Cobra out for a spin. They deserve love.

Stay tuned for other primers to come!

(Deleted comment)
22nd-Nov-2008 05:08 pm (UTC)
It's great right. I did okay. I was like thinking I was going into too much detail and then towards the end I was like I'm not going into enough!
(Deleted comment)
22nd-Nov-2008 05:51 pm (UTC)
YAY!. But no one is as precious as William Beckett. He has his own level of preciousness, you know.
(Deleted comment)
22nd-Nov-2008 06:05 pm (UTC)
you know he does.
(Deleted comment)
22nd-Nov-2008 06:18 pm (UTC)
whatever. You know William is the shit and yes he does look hot in the glasses. My personal favorite is the one where he's holding up the sign about FBR
22nd-Nov-2008 04:43 pm (UTC)
hey, i came across this searching the interwebs :) il cobra too so i enjoyed it

but omg you havent listened to midtown? i highly, highly, highly, suggest doing this asap.they were a great band. see:save the world, lose the girl, living well is the best revenge, and forget what you know. id suggest starting with lwitbr tbh :)
22nd-Nov-2008 05:10 pm (UTC)
Cool. I made it for a friend who's just getting into Cobra and I'm going to pull her into bandom if it's the last thing I do.

No. I really just got into Cobra like a month ago. No freaking joke. I don't even think it's been a month yet, but my love for them is high. I've been meaning to check out Midtown, but like, I'm trying to fix my The Acadmey Is... problem, which is that I haven't let myself get into them, but it's William Beckett. I'll have to check them out though.
(Deleted comment)
22nd-Nov-2008 05:50 pm (UTC)
yeah I'm not the one not logged onto yim, bitch.
(Deleted comment)
22nd-Nov-2008 06:05 pm (UTC)
Ha, yes.
(Deleted comment)
22nd-Nov-2008 06:19 pm (UTC)
I can't believe you said that to him.
4th-Dec-2008 10:13 pm (UTC) - gabes shirt
well i made him that shirt, so uhh i guess you can start thanking me lol.
6th-Aug-2009 10:15 pm (UTC) - rawr
william beckett is the hottest man ALIVE =]
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